Showing mercy to my children

It really comes in handy when you're a parent. Especially when you're faced with a challenge that will not go away - for me it's been the extreme range of emotions my kids have and how they display them.

It started with Amelia. We thought we were in the clear after escaping the terrible twos but were in for a treat when we discovered we had a threenager. The only difference between her and a teenager was that she didn't know how to scream, "I hate you!" while storming out of the room. But she was thinking it.

And she stormed out of rooms a lot but she also let out blood curdling screams when she didn't get her way or a torrent of fresh tears often babbling through them about how I was being "so unfair". Yes, my three year old said that.

My husband and I were pretty caught off guard by it. It seriously felt like she was going to start menstruating any minute which was scary (what will it be like when she does?!). And then I remembered something.

How out of my gourd I was as a kid! How many times my mom yelled at me because she could not understand why I was crying/screaming/bouncing off the walls with energy. She was perpetually frustrated with my complete lack of discipline or discretion and I was just as mystified.

I felt everything so strongly as a kid. When I was sad, frustrated or excited it consumed me. And I don't think that's abnormal. As kids we are completely at the mercy of other people so all we do is experience what they have laid out for us.

Now, circumstances play into this quite a bit but we don't control those either so were forced to deal with (not gracefully) whatever comes our way. What I've noticed is that we adults often hold that against them.

We punish kids so often for things they've haven't been taught yet. That was a theme in my house and it was pretty crippling. I lived in a constant state of fear because the message being sent was "fly right or be punished" and yet I was rarely taught how to actually behave. Aside from that long lists of dont's...

So I thank God that he has given me a heart of compassion for my own little irrational, ungrateful and uncouth offspring. It didn't happen right away but as I started reflecting on those memories when I was upset with them I'd have a little more peace. A little less helplessness and panic that I was forever bound to this monster who would rule my life with their needless drama.

Kids feel helpless most of the time - when they're not feeling bored, angry, ticked off or happy. So I try to remember that when I'm disciplining mine.